who discovered...

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!

two plus two?

H : Ano ang total ng 2 + 2?
C : Three!

H : Hinde, mas mataas pa diyan.
C : (In a high pitched voice) Three!

What is the national bird of the Philippines

H : What is the national bird of the Philippines?
Clue : Starts with the letter "M" (Maya)

C : Manok?

H : Hindi, brown ang kulay nito.
C : Piniritong manok?

H : Hindi, nagtatapos sa letter "A"
C : Piniritong manoka?

H : Hindi, mas maliit pa sa manok.
C : Maggie chicken cube?

Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?

H : Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?
Clue : "B" ang simula (Bagumbayan)

C : Sa back?

H : O sige, pwede rin na ang simula ay "L"(Luneta)
C : Sa likod?

H : Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P" and
initials ng modern name niya (Rizal Park)

C : Sa rear part?

What is the national tree of the Philippines?

H : What is the national tree of the Philippines?
Clue : Starts with the letter "N"

C : Niyog?

H : Mas matigas pa diyan.
C : (In a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!

ulila

Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?
Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.
Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?
Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!

paniki

A black baby was given a pair of wings by a fairy....
Baby: does this mean im an angel??
Fairy laughs....
Fairy: Of course not! negrang 'to, ambisyosa! Paniki ka!

ano ang sabi ng..

"Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!".
- Panty

"Isubo mo ang kahabaan ko. Dilaan. Sipsipin. Paglaruan sa bibig mo.
Para lumabas ang katas ko na kinasabikan mo.
Nag mamahal,"
- Ice Candy

"Pinapaikot mo lang ako! Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mo na lang ako".
- Electric fan

"Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!"
- winnie d' pooh

"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."
-hipon

"Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako, lagi na lang maraming tao ang nagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!"
-Gasolina

"Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang akong pinagpapasa- pasahan, pagod na pagod na
ako.."
- Bola

"Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin C"
-kili kili

"Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-Libag

"Hwag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot

"Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali,
gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!"
-Brief

"Ako lang ang makakapagpadugo ng ilong ni Manny Pacquiao!"
- English

"Hindi totoong anak ko si Bakekang! At lalong hindi ko kapatid si
Mike Enriquez! Kaya pwede ba, tigilan na ang tsismis na yan!"
- Shrek

"Hindi lahat ng berde masustansiya”
- Plema

School Ahead

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
RAIDEN : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign? one that
RAIDEN : The says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Favorite actor

Erap writing on a slumbook...

Favorite actor: Arnold
Schawrze.. (erase)
Schaw.. (erase)
Swarzen.. (erase)
Washen.. (erase)
Swachen..(erase)

Arnold Clavio...

bawal pumasok

Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: pasok na. wala na ako panty!

Sino nagsabi?

Tatlong baliw sa Mental nagkukwentuhan.
B1: Ako presidente dito!
B2: Wala ka sa akin! ako si bush, presidente sa America !
B1: Sino nagsabi?
B2: Ang Diyos!
B3: At kelan kita sinabihan??

The Top Ten “Mag-Tagalog Ka Na Lang!” Quotes

1. Biboy Blue – While our teacher was swriting on the board, someone threw paper at him. He turned around and shouted, “Hudas dat person dat did dat?”
2. Beb Ni Tykes – When my mom was in a spa, the masseuse asked, “Swedish or Thai?” My mom answered, “I’m Pinoy!”
3. Honbee – When I arrived late at friend’s house, he asked, “Have you been eaten?”
4. Ferdz – From a high school classmate: “Simple problem you cannot solution? How can you graduation?”
5. Wowie – From a sosyalerang panget on a jeep: “Driver, payment!”
6. No name – An officemate during a meeting – “I second emotion!”
7. Sundowner – A beauty contestant when asked what would she advocate should she win: “I want to promote drug abuse!”
8. Sundowner – Same beauty contest, same question, different contestant: “I will donate trash to every barangay!”
9. Jose de vengenge – Host: “How will you describe the color blue to a blind man?” Beauty contestant: “Good question, keep it up! I thank you.”
10. Jose de vengenge – Host: “What makes you blush?” Beauty contestant: “Blush-on?”
11. Jose de vengenge – Host: “What is the youth’s biggest problem today?” Contestant: “Drugs.” Host: “Why?” Contestant: “Mahal eh!”
12. Scrambledegg – “You can fool me once, you can fool me twice, you can even fool me thrice, but you can never fool me four!”
13. Filthy Rich Beggar – An officemate arguing on the phone: “I called you three times! No ha, no ho!” (Ni ha, ni ho)
14. No name – My angry boss when I took half the day off: “Where did you been?”
15. Ishi – Our English teacher: “I have a son. My son is a boy.”
16. Astroboy – Dude 1: “What’s the difference between H2O and CO2?” Dude 2: “H2O is water, CO2 is COLD water!”
17. Astroboy – Teacher: “Define ethics.” Student: “Ethics are smaller than ducks.”
18. No name – Over the PA system at the airport: “Passengers please proceed to git it. I ripit, git it.” (”gate 8″)
19. Dru – I get this all the time when I ask applicants: “How do you want me to call you?” Applicant: “Uhm…cellphone?”
20. Scully – A high school classmate: “We own a boutique. You know, where you buy medicine?”
21. No name – When I introduced my twin sister to my high school teacher, she asked, “You’re twins? Since when?”
22. RhachaeL_Leigh – College professor: “What you are I was. What I am you will.”
23. Myra – When our secretary got a call looking for a lady who was in a meeting with the boss in his room, the secretary said, “She is inside her boss.”
24. No name – Calendar Girl: “I will win because I have da 3 “V’s”. Vivacious, Vyootipul, Very Okay.”