dinner

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

first pancake

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Raiden, 5 and Rushwin 4. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait."Raiden turned to his younger brother and said, "Rushwin, you be Jesus!"

why is it quite in the church

A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little boy replied, "Because people are sleeping."

sweet raiden

After the christening of his baby brother in church, Raiden sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

good boy

A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."

confused

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's name?" One child answered, "Mary." The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?" A little kid said, "Verge." Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"
The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n' Mary."

sakristan

Nasa bubong ang sakristan namboboso sa pari at madre...
Madre: Pano pag nabuntis ako??
Pari: bahala na ang nasa itaas!
Sakristan: T*ng ina, bakit ako? Nanonood lang naman ako!

Saan tayo madalas pumupunta pag summer upang maligo

H : Saan tayo madalas pumupunta pag summer
upang maligo?
Clue : Starts with "B" (Beach)

C : Banyo? H : Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon,
maaarawan ka.
C : Sa bubong?

H : Hindi, marami kang makikita doong mga
babaeng naka-bikini.
C : Sa beerhouse?

Ano ang ginagamit na floatation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?

Host : Ano ang ginagamit na floatation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Clue : starts with the letter S (salbabida)

Beep! Contestant : Sirena?

Host : Hinde! Hindi ito babae.
Beep! Contestant : Siyokoy?

Host : Hindi! Hindi ito lalake. Beep!
Contestant : Siyoke?

What is the national Animal of the Philippines?

H:What is the national Animal of the Philippines
Clue: Starts with the letter "K" (Kalabaw)

C: Kuto?

H: Hindi meron ito siyang sungay.
C: Kambing

H: Hindi mas malaki pa.
C: Malaking Kambing

Anong hayop sa dagat ang may walong tentacles?

Q: Anong hayop sa dagat ang may walong tentacles?
Clue: Ang pangalan niya ay nagsimula
sa "Octo" (Octopus).

A: October.

Q: Hindi, walo nga ang tentacles nito.
A: Octo-walo.

Q: Hindi pa rin. Ang hayop na ito ay walang spine
at malambot ang katawan.
A: Octoarts Dancer.

Q: Hindi, nagtatapos sa "s" ang pangalan nito.
A: Octoarts Dancers.

Q: Hindi pa rin.
A: Octomechanix

Sino and nakapatay kay Magellan?

Q: Sino and nakapatay kay Magellan?
clue:Ang initial ay L-L
A: Lito Lapid

Q: Hindi, inuulit ang pangalan nito!
A: Lito-lito lapid-lapid

Q: Hindi, konti lang ang letra ng pangalan niya
A: Lot-lot

Q: Hindi, may mga kasama siya
A: Lot-lot and friends!!!

Sino ang kauna-unahang chess grandmaster of Asia?

H : Sino ang kauna-unahang chess grandmaster of Asia?
Clue : Kapangalan niya ang tao ng chess
(Eugene Torre)

C : Carole King?

H : Hindi, mas mababa sa King.
C : Al Quinn?

H : Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
C : Armida Siguion-Reyna?

H : Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
C : Bishop Bacani?

H : Mas mababa pa sa bishop.
C : Johnny Midnight?

H : Mas mababa pa sa knight.
C : Jerry Pons?

H : O ayan, ha. Nabanggit mo na ang lahat ng
piyesa. Yung kahulihulihang piyesa na lang.
C : Sylvia la Torre?

Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 peso bill?

H : Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 peso bill?
Clue : Ang initials niya ay N.A.
(Ninoy Aquino)

C : Nora Aunor?

H : Hindi, ang last letter ng palayaw niya ay 'Y'
C : Guy Aunor?

H : Hindi, dati siyang senador.
C : Si former Senator Guy Aunor?

H : Hindi, patay na siya.
C : Ano!? Patay na si Nora Aunor!!??

What is the national flower of the Philippines?

H : What is the national flower of the Philippines?
Clue : It starts with the letter "S" (Sampaguita)

C : Sunflower?

H : Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
C : Sitsaron?

H : Hindi. Bulaklak nga sabi, eh.
C : Sitsarong bulaklak?

H : Hindi pa rin. Ends with the letter "A" C :
Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?

H : O, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at
dadagdagan ko p pangalan ng bulaklak na
nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A", at
kapangalan ito ng isang sikat na singer.

C :ahh Si Sharon Cuneta!

who discovered...

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!

two plus two?

H : Ano ang total ng 2 + 2?
C : Three!

H : Hinde, mas mataas pa diyan.
C : (In a high pitched voice) Three!

What is the national bird of the Philippines

H : What is the national bird of the Philippines?
Clue : Starts with the letter "M" (Maya)

C : Manok?

H : Hindi, brown ang kulay nito.
C : Piniritong manok?

H : Hindi, nagtatapos sa letter "A"
C : Piniritong manoka?

H : Hindi, mas maliit pa sa manok.
C : Maggie chicken cube?

Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?

H : Saan binaril si Jose Rizal?
Clue : "B" ang simula (Bagumbayan)

C : Sa back?

H : O sige, pwede rin na ang simula ay "L"(Luneta)
C : Sa likod?

H : Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P" and
initials ng modern name niya (Rizal Park)

C : Sa rear part?

What is the national tree of the Philippines?

H : What is the national tree of the Philippines?
Clue : Starts with the letter "N"

C : Niyog?

H : Mas matigas pa diyan.
C : (In a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!

ulila

Bitoy: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?
Dagul: Kasi, bata pa lang ako, ulila na ako.
Bitoy: Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?
Dagul: Sira pala ulo mo! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!

paniki

A black baby was given a pair of wings by a fairy....
Baby: does this mean im an angel??
Fairy laughs....
Fairy: Of course not! negrang 'to, ambisyosa! Paniki ka!

ano ang sabi ng..

"Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!".
- Panty

"Isubo mo ang kahabaan ko. Dilaan. Sipsipin. Paglaruan sa bibig mo.
Para lumabas ang katas ko na kinasabikan mo.
Nag mamahal,"
- Ice Candy

"Pinapaikot mo lang ako! Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mo na lang ako".
- Electric fan

"Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!"
- winnie d' pooh

"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."
-hipon

"Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako, lagi na lang maraming tao ang nagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!"
-Gasolina

"Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang akong pinagpapasa- pasahan, pagod na pagod na
ako.."
- Bola

"Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin C"
-kili kili

"Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-Libag

"Hwag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot

"Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali,
gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!"
-Brief

"Ako lang ang makakapagpadugo ng ilong ni Manny Pacquiao!"
- English

"Hindi totoong anak ko si Bakekang! At lalong hindi ko kapatid si
Mike Enriquez! Kaya pwede ba, tigilan na ang tsismis na yan!"
- Shrek

"Hindi lahat ng berde masustansiya”
- Plema

School Ahead

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
RAIDEN : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign? one that
RAIDEN : The says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Favorite actor

Erap writing on a slumbook...

Favorite actor: Arnold
Schawrze.. (erase)
Schaw.. (erase)
Swarzen.. (erase)
Washen.. (erase)
Swachen..(erase)

Arnold Clavio...