bawal pumasok

Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: pasok na. wala na ako panty!

Sino nagsabi?

Tatlong baliw sa Mental nagkukwentuhan.
B1: Ako presidente dito!
B2: Wala ka sa akin! ako si bush, presidente sa America !
B1: Sino nagsabi?
B2: Ang Diyos!
B3: At kelan kita sinabihan??

The Top Ten “Mag-Tagalog Ka Na Lang!” Quotes

1. Biboy Blue – While our teacher was swriting on the board, someone threw paper at him. He turned around and shouted, “Hudas dat person dat did dat?”
2. Beb Ni Tykes – When my mom was in a spa, the masseuse asked, “Swedish or Thai?” My mom answered, “I’m Pinoy!”
3. Honbee – When I arrived late at friend’s house, he asked, “Have you been eaten?”
4. Ferdz – From a high school classmate: “Simple problem you cannot solution? How can you graduation?”
5. Wowie – From a sosyalerang panget on a jeep: “Driver, payment!”
6. No name – An officemate during a meeting – “I second emotion!”
7. Sundowner – A beauty contestant when asked what would she advocate should she win: “I want to promote drug abuse!”
8. Sundowner – Same beauty contest, same question, different contestant: “I will donate trash to every barangay!”
9. Jose de vengenge – Host: “How will you describe the color blue to a blind man?” Beauty contestant: “Good question, keep it up! I thank you.”
10. Jose de vengenge – Host: “What makes you blush?” Beauty contestant: “Blush-on?”
11. Jose de vengenge – Host: “What is the youth’s biggest problem today?” Contestant: “Drugs.” Host: “Why?” Contestant: “Mahal eh!”
12. Scrambledegg – “You can fool me once, you can fool me twice, you can even fool me thrice, but you can never fool me four!”
13. Filthy Rich Beggar – An officemate arguing on the phone: “I called you three times! No ha, no ho!” (Ni ha, ni ho)
14. No name – My angry boss when I took half the day off: “Where did you been?”
15. Ishi – Our English teacher: “I have a son. My son is a boy.”
16. Astroboy – Dude 1: “What’s the difference between H2O and CO2?” Dude 2: “H2O is water, CO2 is COLD water!”
17. Astroboy – Teacher: “Define ethics.” Student: “Ethics are smaller than ducks.”
18. No name – Over the PA system at the airport: “Passengers please proceed to git it. I ripit, git it.” (”gate 8″)
19. Dru – I get this all the time when I ask applicants: “How do you want me to call you?” Applicant: “Uhm…cellphone?”
20. Scully – A high school classmate: “We own a boutique. You know, where you buy medicine?”
21. No name – When I introduced my twin sister to my high school teacher, she asked, “You’re twins? Since when?”
22. RhachaeL_Leigh – College professor: “What you are I was. What I am you will.”
23. Myra – When our secretary got a call looking for a lady who was in a meeting with the boss in his room, the secretary said, “She is inside her boss.”
24. No name – Calendar Girl: “I will win because I have da 3 “V’s”. Vivacious, Vyootipul, Very Okay.”

ang makulit na bata

Son: Ma, bakit kayo tumatalbog sa ibabaw ni daddy??
Mom: Wala anak, pinapaliit ko lang tiyan ng Daddy mo.
Son: Nye! Mapapagod ka lang kasi hinihipan din uli yan ni yaya!

kambal

Doc: Kambal anak mo. sister mo nagbigay ng names
Ina: Eh tanga un doc, ano pinangalan sa mga anak ko?
Doc: Sa girl, DENICE.
Ina: Aba, ok un! eh sa boy?
Doc: DENEPHEW..

kalawang

LADY: Doc, meron po akong brownish discharge. Parang na-infect.
DR : Gaano kadalas ka mag sex?
LADY: Once a year po.
DR : Ahh, hindi yan infection, KALAWANG YAN!!

nanay ko

Teacher: Rushwin, ano susunod sa 7?
Rushwin: 8 po!
Teacher: Sa 2?
Rushwin: 3 po!
Teacher: Ang galing mo! Sino nagturo sayo?
Rushwin: Nanay ko po!
Teacher: O sige, ano susunod sa 10?
Rushwin: Jack po!

sugar free

GMA: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa 3 in 1 coffee mo at kanina ka pa silip nang silip dyan?
ERAP: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May nakasulat kasi na 'Sugarfree.'
GMA: Bobo! Banda yun!

etchuserang bird

GIRL: Ang puti ng bird mo!
BOY : Aba syempre! Likas papaya ata gamit ko dyan!
GIRL: Ginagamitan mo din ba ng downy?
BOY : Bakit, bango ba?
GIRL: Lambot eh!

aids test

Doc: Iho, bakit mu naman sinapak ung lalaki kanina?
Boy: E Doc, nakita niya na ninenerbyos ako ako sa resulta ng AIDS test! tapos sasabihin pa niya... "THINK POSITIVE pare!"

foot feet

Kumakanta si Erap with his pamangkin…

Erap : put your right feet in, put your left feet out
Pamangkin : Uncle, foot un!
Erap : Ah ganon ba Muling kumanta si Erap….
Erap : foot your right feet in, foot your left feet out

trainee

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.

On his first day, he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone:
"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded:
"You fool, you've dialed the
wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, idiot!"

The trainee shouted back:
"And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director indignantly.
"Good!" replied the trainee and put down the phone.

sleeping pills

Q: Bakit tahimik magbukas ng medicine ang tanga??.....

A: A3A Aniyang magising ang mga sleeping pills..